Not helped, of course, by my buying a bag of two giant cookies on Wednesday (prior to my wedding realisation, I hasten to add...) The Fiancé, doing the decent thing, left me my fair share.
*crafty glance sideways... glomp*
That thing was gone in an instant. And it was good, too. Caramel and chocolate, something extravagant and indulgent. Yum yum YUM. Followed with a glass of soy milk. One would think it was the perfect end to an evening.
Except, today, for the first time ever, I woke up with real and genuine Food Guilt. Perhaps it was the slow and serious realisation of what I had done. Having vowed to behave, I had not done so. I had given in to my baser needs. Not even needs - wants, desires. Sabotage. Now I've never murdered someone, but I think if I had, I would feel a bit like I felt this morning. I found myself thinking, 'What did I do that for?' Yes, it tasted really good. And yes, it hit the spot for that brief moment. But for the rush of pleasure... I now feel that I have to be super-hard on myself to make up for it.
Now, I know it seems silly, but exercise is something I am really, really not built for. Maybe it's all the curves - and not the good kinds. Not only do I have a muffin top, but also a cake shelf and a potato wedge. Oh, and some bajungas that really need strapping down three-times over before I can move with any sense of urgency.
Basically, I'm x stone 1 lb because I'm full of excuses. I looked at myself in the mirror and I felt genuinely sad. I don't want to be that girl. I want to look beautiful and glamorous and sexy and pretty on my wedding day, and I'm not at this rate.
And I thought, very simply, no more.
With a determined pace, I strode to the station, complete with giant arm movements. I ran down the escalators at Waterloo, and up those at Oxford Circus. I clambered up those five flights of stairs to my office. While today does not have a reasonable chunk of time to go to the gym in - there are little things I am determined to do to have even the smallest impact. I consider it penance for my sins but, actually, I'd be better to think of it as a nice little habit I can get in to with actual minimal effort for decent reward.
On the bright side, I feel a little better for it. Didn't have too heavy a lunch but am still suitably full. Will be running up and down the escalators again later to get my train home before a long drive home. And Monday is the beginning of one hell of an exercise plan...
Have a good weekend, all - rest, and be happy :)